I am taking a class to become a certified Emergency Medical Tech and our instructor decided to give us easy quiz grade by making us turn in a one page bio on ourselves, so far this is what I have. I think it accurately tells the story of my life.
Heart attack, stroke, mesothelioma, lymphoma, and testicular cancer are among a few of the common ways a firefighter may meet his maker; oh and asphyxiation, being crushed, run over, and even drown if he or she is having a really ‘lucky’ day. Sounds like a pleasant day-to-day job doesn’t it? Why on this great green earth would I want to be vaulted into a career involving almost certain unpleasant death in one form or another? It’s pretty simple; I have a touch of what the experts call
“insanity.”
I was created in the winter of 1985, probably during a night of heavy drinking and some God-awful 80’s hair music. I disliked living arrangement as an infant, mostly due to my lack of freedom and the restrictions on alcohol intake, so at the age of 5 months with a hobo sack of peanut butter and anchovy sandwiches I hit the road for a new start. I spent most of my early days being raised by Africanized Monarch Butterflies and practicing the dark art of karate by fighting bears, lions, and the occasional park ranger that tried to turn me over to the authorities. By the tender age of 10 I was already a master at riding boxcars and living off the land, and by “land” I mean eating out of dumpsters. At 14, I stole my first car, a 1925 Ford Model T from a museum, the culmination of that story was also my first introduction to juvenile hall. “Juvee”, as the regulars called it, was a fine establishment, full of astute gentlemen that had a wealth of knowledge on the finer points of breaking and entering, street chemistry, and document forging. A few months after my stint in the pen I decided to clean up my life, I got off the ether, cut off my relationship with Gertrude (my favorite ‘lady of the night’ that gave discounts to minors), and decided to join the military. It took hours and hours to learn all that I needed to know pass the General Educational Development exam for the state of Texas, luckily shoe tying wasn’t a requirement. Attaining my GED and pushing myself to read at a 3rd grade level where the three biggest accomplishments to date. I have never been prouder of myself! From here I decided it was time to jump into the Air Force with both feet, luckily the recruiter had just the job for me: defecation and liquid waste management! I was finally a manager! The time in the Air Force has just flown by,
I have dealt with excrement all over the world, and it truly is a pooptastic planet.
Seven and a half years of loving the Air Force have taught me a lot, but I decided I wanted a change and needed a challenge, that’s what brought me here to FMTI. I am currently perusing options with changing jobs within the Air Force while enhanceifying my resume in the event I want go back to the civilian sector. I think my honest friends would describe me like this:
“Austin is like a taco wrapped in another taco, he is a taco squared, you can’t get any better than two tacos in one.” I know I am a pretty humble awesome guy, but I am sure you want to know about me deep down, right? Well my biggest strength is obviously my huge guns and my only weakness is the dark (because it’s scary!). My life goals include- not killing a healthy patient accidently, gaining the knowledge needed to be a cold-blooded rock-star EMT, and buying a helicopter with pontoon skids.
I am not a weather guy, but I forecast accomplishing my goals with the awesome training here at FMTI.
What comes next? Who knows, only God and my probation officer can stop me.
